I think this spring asthenia is hitting pretty hard this year. I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting older or the more you experience, the more happiness and regret you accumulate. Thinking back on the last years and how my views on love have changed, I honestly can’t, for the life of me, understand what I was thinking at some points in my life. I think it’s true that we need to go through stages of loving somebody and to love a couple of types before knowing what we want, what we deserve and what fits us best.
It breaks my heart to see women or men undeserving of what they are going through because they don’t see their true value and just settle. But most importantly, we need to love ourselves first, and then love others and let ourselves be loved.
So let’s break it down, whom do we usually date and why is that? I’m gonna take my experiences, put them on paper and then you tell me if it sounds familiar to you.
- The first real relationship. Ah, puppy love at its finest. To be so in love, thinking it’s going to last forever… only usually it doesn’t. And please don’t get me wrong, couples who come together at 17 and stay together, you have my full respect. But most of the time it doesn’t roll that way. I for one took him for granted, thinking he was going to stick around. He started cheating to get my attention and from there it got worse and worse. And when I didn’t have him, I wanted him back. But if you have him and don’t invest the time to keep him, is it even love? For me, it turned out to be destructive. I cheated once and that was like a switch for me… I was not that person, I wasn’t raised to be like that and I started not liking myself anymore. Years later I was carrying this guilt and hurt around until we did the closure thing. Today we’re friendly and being apart was the best decision we ever made. Why I did it for so long? Lack of confidence an strength, thinking I would never find somebody else. But you do, you always do!
- The bad boy par excellence. I don’t get why women looove the bad boys. Seriously, they manage to put you so down, you don’t recognize yourself anymore. Of course I did the bad boy thing, no strings attached, thinking I wouldn’t fall for him, thinking I would get him to commit. But guess what? A bad boy will commit if he has the potential for it, if he’s willing to change and if he loves you back. And if his reasons for staying away are founded and have a solution. I’m writing this from a woman’s perspective but the opposite applies, why settle for crumbs of affection? Always doubting your ability as a woman/man, being unsure and untrusting because you never get the validation? There is somebody for everybody. So if you are in such a situation, let go… make room for something better for both of you… it’s not my place to dish out advice, God knows I’ve done my fair share of idiotic things. But take it from me, after you find somebody who really fits, you’ll get rid of that constant fear you feel. Because a true fit makes you feel good! I was so down at some point, waiting for him for hours to be online on Yahoo Messenger (oh yes, those days) just to see if he would say “Hello”. That is not healthy and the amount of baggage he left behind was staggering. I guess we all need to fall before standing again. He even said “I love you” and took it back, a real charmer. But it was on me, trying to see some signs that would make him stay. If they don’t want to, they don’t stay, whatever you might do.
- A copy of your first love/your first love part 2. Now see, the saying goes (in Romania): “reheated soup does not taste the same”. Oh boy, are they right. It took me a copy of my ex to see why I ended it with my ex. And it was funny and sad at the same time. While you grow, you evolve and stop liking the things you used to like. When you pay for your soda at 16, it’s not a big deal. When you pay for it every time at 25, it starts bothering you. I just want to put it out there: if potential doesn’t turn into action at some point… forget the potential. You can’t live a life based on somebody’s potential, just sayin’. And the crash and burn was swift. A bruise to the ego and that was it. You try to hang on to memories but it’s best to keep just that… memories of better times.
!! I in no way expect to be taken out every time. I share the costs with my boyfriend and we try to keep it even. But paying every time for everything… that does not sit well with me. Not because of the money, it’s just that I feel used at some point. We both work, we both have bills to pay so yeah, chivalry must not die:)
- Playing the field. Now I have to say, these were the best of times, the worst of times. Dating was good for my confidence, bad for my heart. I am a relationship kind of girl and I invest in the people I’m seeing. I had to learn quickly to give as much as I get and have patience. Sadly, a lot of guys wanted a quick romp in the sack and dating you was a means to get to that romp… in the sack. I fell for it once and never again. But I gave bits and pieces of my heart to some of them, it’s just the way it goes. All in all, dating helps you so much, you figure out what you want and what you want to avoid. It was also my first time getting ghosted, never been through that before. And that is painful, no doubt. But I want to tell you, it’s not always on you. In fact, most of the time it’s not. Some people come into your life searching for something or someone to use up and make themselves feel better. And if you are a giving person, you fall for it and you give. And please don’t be sorry for it, it’s a lesson well learned. I don’t regret giving, I know I was the one person to stick by him through a tough time. And that is something he won’t forget that quickly.
- And this brings me to today. I don’t want to overshare or jinx, it’s been a year since I found somebody to share my life with. We haven’t killed each other yet and we lead a healthy relationship. I have to say it’s the first one where we truly share daily problems and just live. Meeting as colleagues, we started out as friends and while I wasn’t sure, it’s a good way to go. Not that instant wham bam you might find in a club, but something that evolves into a beautiful, mature love. We’ll see how it goes, I’ll keep you posted.
I loved with all my heart, got hurt and don’t regret it. You know what they say, kiss a few frogs and all that. It is never too late to fall in love, nobody should tell you otherwise. But if you love, make it worth your time. Love somebody who deserves it and get some in return. I know, true love is selfless but don’t lose yourself in the process. As a fat, cute, sometimes annoying Romanian girl, I want to tell you to not give up. Love yourselves first and be strong enough to leave a situation behind that makes you suffer. You know I’ve told you this before, better to be alone, free and happy, than miserable in a relationship that doesn’t give you what you need. Be bold in your pursuit of happiness and explore what’s out there. But to be honest, it comes to you when you least expect it. I can’t really understand people that go from one relationship to another but it’s not my business to do so. I just think you need to find and know yourself as an inividual before you can concentrate on someone else. Make them a big part of your world, just don’t make them your whole world.
And that’s it for today. Next up? We’re going back to makeup, skincare and all that jazz starting next week. But if you need somebody to talk to, you know where to find me. Kisses darlings!